Caveat lector

Our current howler (part I): Dismaying Grace

Synopsis: If Washington’s pundits didn’t exist, it would be also impossible to invent them.

Commentary by Cliff Van Zandt, Nancy Grace, Larry King, Dr. Henry Lee
Larry King Live, CNN, 7/16/01

If Washington’s pundits didn’t exist, it would be also impossible to invent them. Who, for example, could ever imagine the sheer stupidity and ugly dissembling that drove last night’s Larry King Live? Start, for example, with Cliff Van Zandt, the heralded "former FBI profiler" who—for reasons best known by the nation’s psychiatrists—is now the rage on cable. Here was part of Van Zandt’s first statement, in LKL’s opening segment on Chandra:

Last night, for reasons unknown, the fact that Chandra left without her cell phone began to obsess TV pundits. But Van Zandt again stated the old canard—the notion that Levy had left without money. No one knows if this is true, as the police themselves have made clear. By the way: on last Thursday’s Hardball, as readers may recall, Van Zandt engaged in a comic-book self-contradiction on this point. While insisting that Chandra left without money, he said that she may have run out for a sandwich. See THE DAILY HOWLER, 7/16/01, to marvel at the astounding low caliber of America’s leading TV pundits.

And last night, he did it again. In Van Zandt’s first presentation, as we’ve seen, he marveled at the mysterious "fact" that Chandra left the house without money. In his second presentation, he said this:

Is that true? Did Chandra take her ATM card? No one has established that as a fact before this, and the worthless King sat silently by as Van Zandt introduced this new element. (Challenging, verifying, or establishing facts is unknown to millionaire cable hosts.) But if Levy left with her ATM card, why would anyone be surprised if she also left the house without money? Having puzzled for days over Levy’s lack of cash, Van Zandt now suggested an obvious possibility—she may have been going out to get some. The sheer stupidity of Van Zandt’s performances would stand out anywhere else on earth. But it doesn’t stand out on cable TV, where our leading pundits do this sort of thing as a simple matter of course.

And just like that, it happened again; Van Zandt was paired with Nancy Grace, and she instantly contradicted herself too! In her first presentation, the tough-talking former prosecutor spoke to Van Zandt’s speculation that Levy had not gone jogging:

Levy couldn’t have jogged to the Klingle Mansion, Grace said, because a jogger would "go in a route she already knew." But this is what the tough-talker said in her second presentation:

Incredible, isn’t it? In her first presentation, Grace said that Chandra would have jogged a familiar route. In her second presentation, she said that Chandra didn’t jog outside. Such bizarre dissembling would be unthinkable elsewhere, but this night it was driving King’s hapless show. And moments later, Grace showcased another key skill. The tough-talker Invented A Fact:

Grace refers to Levy’s April 29 phone message to her aunt, and she implies that Levy was calling to say she was pregnant. But no one has ever said that Levy used the word "announcement" in her message that day. Grace here simply invents a quote, then uses it—how else—to hang Condit.

When we see the rank dishonesty of former prosecutors like Grace, we can all be thankful that the Founding Fathers knew enough to craft a Bill of Rights; they knew that people like Grace would exist, and that we would all need protection against them. But nothing currently protects the public against their inclusion on cable. Last night, Van Zandt and Grace contradicted themselves in the first few moments of King’s discussion, and Grace then quickly invented a quote, with which she accused someone of murder. King sat by while this went on, never challenging a word that was said. A hapless host with two gong-show guests—this is now the soul of our pundit corps. Our pundits are dumb as rocks, and grossly dishonest. And so our question is simple: Why is that?

The world’s current foremost authority: Also appearing was Dr. Henry Lee, presented—as he’s always presented—as "one of the country’s top forensic scientists." As usual, Lee performed like Peter Sellers in Being There, The Sequel. Here is Lee’s first statement last night. Because Lee’s English isn’t good, we’ve made some corrections for clarity:

The nation’s top forensic scientist explained that Levy could be alive (or could be dead), and he explained that we have to look at the evidence. This was so illuminating for CNN’s viewers, the insatiable King wanted more:

Let’s go over this again! King asked if the police were looking at evidence which they’d gathered. Lee said they were, and then added more—they were looking for signs of foul play.

For nonsense like this, CNN drops discussion of all other news. By the way, here’s a "Separated at Birth" to consider: Dr. Lee and Professor Irwin Corey. Corey was also billed as "The World’s Foremost Authority," but his bookers were a little more honest about it. Corey appeared at the Copa and on the Ed Sullivan Show, and everyone acknowledged that it all was just a joke.

Meanwhile, how big a dumb-ass is Nancy Grace? Talking just as tough as ever, the tough-talking former prosecutor posed a tough challenge. You could see the tough-talker was mad:

Grace, of course, has no idea if that last statement is true. But then, she doesn’t know from jogging either. Her cowed host later took her challenge. He asked Laura Ingraham if she would go jogging without ID. Ingraham answered: "I would, and I do."